Three Sheets to the Wind

Zee Ooffffeeciel Lug ooff zee Trooe-a Edfentoores ooff Ooglaff

In common:

Zee Ooffffeeciel Lug ooff zee Trooe-a Edfentoores ooff Ooglaff
Sun ooff zee Thoonder Gud
Shemun ooff hees clun (oon sebbeteecel)
Coorrently fiking in zee Sheckles

In druidic:
If you can read this section written in the secret code, you are a brother druid. Know then that I am Oglaf, son of Lord Thor, The Thunder Maker. Probably. In any event, I am SO totally into thunder. Storms are awesome! The ship rocking, the sky lighting up and the sea swirling around—this is what nature is all about!

I stopped writing in common because there are some unsavory types on board. Not surprising, since we’re all pirates. Back home that was an honored profession, but here in the south it attracts a pretty funny lot. Anyway, can’t ever be too suspicious. I learned that early. Thanks a lot Uncle Ralph. Some of these folks can’t appreciate privacy at all. My friends, the other officers are all OK—I trust my brother well enough, and I didn’t find any plots in Davor’s or Elaine’s journals—but with all the turnover in the crew, who knows.

A lot has happened lately. Elaine stepped down as captain and talked Glythar into talking over. She said she was tired of dealing with all the crew’s whining, but I think she mostly wanted to get him out of the kitchen. I’m used to his lutefisk-and-tripe casserole, but I have to admit it’s not half as good as mom used to make. On the other hand he’s a shameless braggart, which is really good for our sea-cred. In the meantime, Elaine and I still do most of the fun stuff, like steering the ship and shouting orders to the crew working the sails, but all the “wah wah I want to sail in the OTHER direction wah wah I’m a big piraty baby” stuff rolls up to Glyth.

I made a big tactical error recently. I volunteered as a hostage for the good conduct of the other officers. I figured no big deal, when Davor accidentally bit through somebody I’d just fly out a of a window. They put me in a cell without windows. Seriously, how did I not see that coming? Not doing that again until I figure out how to literally be a fly on the wall. Shouldn’t be long. I am learning so much cool stuff lately! I killed my first enemy with a lightning bolt yesterday! Soooooooooo awesome!

I’ve been working hard to learn more about my divine heritage. Mom says our father was Thor, and Glythar and I both totally inherited bad-ass thunderstorm powers. But to be honest, our father hasn’t really talked to us since then. I understand this is fairly typical behavior for a god, so that’s OK. But different aspects of him are worshipped differently in different places, and I want to find the one that’s best for me. A sailor from Tian told me about Raijin, who makes thunder by beating upon giant drums. That doesn’t sound right to me, because neither Glythar nor I have ever had a good sense of rhythm. Not that that stops him from all that shirtless techno-dancing.

I’m very intrigued though by the divine form known as Gozreh. I’ve spent some time talking to Sandra about him, and he definitely sounds like Dad. I’m going to spend more time meditating upon him while staring out at the sea and the sky, and we’ll see what happens.

That’s all for now. I’m going to chat up that redheaded half-elf chick who signed on at Blood Cove, and who’s been giving me the eye. Ah, once they go peg, they never renege!


ianmacdonald rageon

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